There’s this thing about Adonai that I LOVE… and completely throws me for a loop.
I LOVE that I can’t see Him coming at times. Cause if I could I’m not sure I’d recognize Him; which puts a little bit of healthy fear in my bones. Or I’d run away; convinced in my feeble mind that He deserves so much more than me; cause after all these years and all He’s convinced me that He is capable of forgiving and giving and loving; there’s still this seemingly invincible voice inside that almost… can’t believe Him. Or, I’d push Him away, hanging on for dear life to a lie I have believed about myself, or someone else, or Him Himself. That good olé flesh dying to stay deadly alive.
With all that His unpredictably has shown me…All that beautifully orchestrated wonder that takes my breath away every single time. How is it somehow I am always surprised, amazed? Remembering… endless mercies, unfathomable love, timeless rescues and cherishings, unspeakable revelations of things beyond my ken to have imagined, trustworthiness that falls far afield a human ability to grasp; yet every time He pulls the speech from my mouth in awe and comes at my mind/heart from an angle not taught in any school of learning on earth. I LOVE His unpredictability! I am so thankful for it!
But woe unto me that at the same time it confounds me and even at times flat out angers me! Truly King David understood what I am saying! For he wrote…
What is man that You would think of Him?
How great is Your mercy
How unspeakable Your Love
David, hiding out in caves; throwing stones at giants who challenge the notion of our God, arranging a convenient death to possess an illusion of happiness in another human being, dancing naked in the streets in worship, the only human King to have led a nation to the One True God! Writer of the Psalms that have comforted and convicted a million hearts to say: I want a heart like that!
Then Adonai sends His Son; Yeshua – Jesus! THIS should have been at least a little “predictable”! After all He said He would, and just like He did! Yet still we can’t comprehend Him coming in such a humble and “weak” way! Unpredictable, unfathomable, incredible! The human mind can reason… We didn’t choose to be here; true. So can Elohim! So He takes the whole lot of every sin and it’s effect on every soul He ever imagines and takes the responsibility and… dies! I can fathom laying my life down for many people; some I love even those that I “struggle” to love… But Hitler? And all those who followed his lead knowing… knowing deep down his was an evil born outside human comprehension? Oh yes! This unpredictability throws my sensibilities into black holes. I even get angry that He forgives me at times!
He writes the whole of His heart in the stars! Every blade of grass speaks of His wonder! Then I read of a God who won’t relent until we repent. What is this relentlessness? Patience that avails no one’s ability to stretch. Mercy and grace that defies “logic”. Passion that goes beyond the limits of knowing rooted in LOVE! Yet there’s only ONE WAY. One Gate. One Name by which all human kind can be saved! Relentless, firm, steadfast, true. Unchanging, unpredictable!
Giving us the ability to discern with wisdom yet confounding the best of it at the same time!
What do we do with Him? Oh!!! The ache! Look!!! Look at what we do with Him! Tears are a poor expression of my brokenness at the thought of all that’s been done in His Name and in human skin He gave life to! Just my own feeble attempts to justify my existence… sickens the soul.
How do I explain this mystery? This God who is Truth, who is Love, who is Everything? Who is unpredictable and amazing and maddeningly REAL? How do I qualify Him? Oh that I could with words! Oh that He’d give me a million actions to prove Him a day! Oh that I could reflect Him without my flaws! Yet again… unpredictably He shows me that those too are part of His vast store house of beauty!
Tonight I lay my head upon the chest of a God who capsizes my world while He holds it in stillness and wonder and peace. And I am whole, complete and for just right now convinced He is as predictable as the mercy that proved new this morning. Tomorrow He will be unpredictably merciful again!
Wonder of wonders! What A Mighty God we serve!!!
Grace and peace in Yeshua the Messiah