God is in Life – unedited. Uncut, raw, not touched ‘up’.
He made us all full of all we see and feel and react to. When we come to Him, He does any and all of the editing, but notice He never wipes the brokenness of us away. He loves His broken children. .. scraped, bruised, ragged and used. Worn away by the winds of self-consciousness, like tunnels in rocky ravines. There is a beauty in it, though only He can see it. I think it’s because He, Himself is the only One never consumed by ‘self’.
I look at my brokenness and grieve. I’m learning how to rejoice in it only by looking at His wholeness. The Truth that He is complete makes brokenness obsolete. He is the expert… the only expert at making evil into good, broken weakness into strengthened completeness. I’m learning to let go more passionately than holding on. I don’t hold on to Him, His hand has never released me. The entirety of me fits in His hand… His strength of grip and steadfastness of holding me has never given me one reason to think I must hold on to Him. Let me qualify. ..I often buy into the false illusion that I have lost my grip on Him. .. that’s me unedited. But the truth that it is never me that needs to do the holding has been given to me to choose. When I let go, I surrender. Lay back into the Hand that has never let me go. Can I tell you what makes this surrender so inviting? Oh! How He loves me! Oh, how He loves us! Beautiful, rocking, cradling love. Delighting, adoring, can’t get enough of you – love. That is His heart towards me and you. His love is so fierce and true it holds us tighter and more jealously than anything we hold onto tighter than Him. If He ever intended to let us go… He never would have sent His Son. But He does let us tangle and thrash with the illusions we choose to think are better than Him… right there… always in His hands. He doesn’t toss us away in a fit of impatience. He waits. .. and waits. .. until our tantrum is over because He knows when we are done, the first thing we will see is Him. He has made sure of it.
Do you know how much He adores you… as Rich Mullens put it…He’s “knocked out” by you. Can’t and won’t live without you. Fierce is His Love. Holy, wild love. .. this is the One who made you… the One who is a waiting Warrior watching, holding, and bringing you home. Love rocks your world. .. do you see Him? Don’t mistake the lack of “feeling stable” as Him dropping you. It’s a sneaky trick of your mind. Stability to God is always in motion. Waiting isn’t inactive… not with Him… it’s wooing and moving and angling at all times to unblind your vision. Like shaking one awake from a nightmare. He is more determined than His enemy… and His will is the law of every realm of existence. It is being done! Your will and mine cannot stop His. And His is to love us. Unedited, uncut, raw, uncensored, beautiful mess that we are, unfathomly loved into broken beauty. All for Him. And because it’s all for Him and we know He is the ultimate giver. .. All for everything and everyone. Noone shares with everyone like God. He pours Himself out and pours us out. .. flowing, flowing, flowing… rivers of His love. Love isn’t a ‘gift of the Spirit’. .. it’s how we are made or better put what we’ve been made by.
How can it be that surrender to me
Feels like losing and breaking so strong?
How can it be that Your love strengthens me, when I seem to betray You all day long?
How can such love even exist?
My mind can not ponder such mystery as this.
But this new heart You’ve made
Has grown me some shade
And into Your hands I persist.
When will You stop?
I wonder out loud
How can You keep up this flow?
Of relentless pursuit
Until You’ve placed a robe all aglow.
Around my small frame
That quakes at Your Name
And You shoe my feet with Your own skin
What’s this on my hand?
A ring of Your plan
That reminds me relentless it’s true
There’s nothing so false
That harkens in loss
That does not transform me in gain
The enemy is fumin’
Because he’s a’loosin’
My mind now Yeshua has washed
My eyes crusted over
With the dust of my Lover
And now all I see is Your cost
You enter the lost
You become all my broken
And strengthen the pace of Your walk
You put Your arm over the shoulder
That would betray You over and over
And fold them into Your loyal heart
Grace is the exchange
For piece-meal and change
While You serve a feast on fine silver.
What kind of Love is this O, my God
That holds me so firmly in place?
“It’s simple my child, for you I Am wild, and I long to have you see My Face!”
Grace and peace in Yeshua the Messiah