Do You Love Me?

February 17, 2015 at 4:14 am (Thoughts to Ponder)

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Lord, I’m coming clean and coming out
I’m not sure You love me, I’ve got my doubts
But here it is, without reserve
I’m pretty sure I get what I deserve

You see, I’m messy, no that’s not quite right
I’m a low down and dirty soul as You already know
But admitting it to myself makes it even more so
Do You love me?

I think thoughts that kill and drain blood
I might as well have pulled a trigger and dragged thru the mud
And all I’ve got is this sad righteousness that I’ve leaned on and called Yours
That’s the gist.
Do You love me?

I cannot not count all the thoughts that be
That surround and engage with me, me, me.
Me in the going in and me in the going out
In not even sure it’s me I could live without
Do You love me?

I’ve got some skills and I’m good with words
Which cause more ills than they’ve ever cured
I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve to speak
For all my words begin to reek
Do You love me?

As I search and dig inside my mind
This archeological dig I’m led to find
My love is small and my heart impure
But You know all this I’m pretty sure
Do You love me?

I’ve used the tools You meant to shape
My own dark heart and mind awake
To pound the sense You’ve meant for me
Into those I said I loved so free
Do You love me?

I think of You a lot of the time
I sing Your songs and repeat Your rhyme
But when all else is said and sang
I hardly honor the smallest letter of Your Name
Do You love me?

I get the whole dirty rag righteousness thing
For these are all I’ve ever brang
How can I possibly claim to know
The smallest white spot You call the snow
Do You love me?

You say I’m clean
I know You don’t lie
But all I feel is dirty inside
I want to know beyond a doubt
That You hold the keys to love me out
Do You love me?

This life is hard, and confusing and small
Compared to You who gave it all
I’ve squander more than I’ve lived by far
Do You love me?

And here I sit
As the truth quietly descends
And on these silent strings I suspend
No words describe my true estate
So all I can do now is wait
To hear Your voice answer my query
Scared of Your answer
Now I’m just weary
So softly now I push these words thru
My questionable mouth right up to You
Do You love me?

S
I
L
E
N
C
E

De
     Scends
             Ssssss

    
The breeze kicks up
The dust is stirred
Like a Finger traverses with gritty word
A shadow passes
Bent in form
While the click-clack of rocks falling can be heard thru the norm
And then on the horizon the sun starts to crest
The darkness being chased by enlightening rest
An ancient day folds over in time
I see His feet while I’m cowering mine
A Hand appears to ask me to rise
Mine responds to His will not mine
Up I rise on shakey feet
With eyes that lift and His to meet
Who is it that stands to condemn you?” He asks
His eyes answer and hold me fast
“None my Lord” my voice cracks
Neither do I, I cover your lacks. I love you My Child, because I Am. Not because you do a thing, but because I made you, that is why. Don’t question this ever again.” He sighed.

Then deep inside
His love like a flood
Began to flow and wash all the mud
That covered me inside of my thoughts
And the sun was full on the horizon of loss
Beaming, blinding, making day
The night of my questions all fell away.
I am Loved by the Maker of all
I don’t deserve it, no not at all
But such is love, true love anyhow
A gift, not earned
Just received in the Now
And so my quest to settle my sin
Ends up as it always has been
In His hands, pulling me up
Scorning my shame and writing in dust
‘With Love’, it says
I see it there now
He first blew into it to shape us
Now He writes it with His Finger of forgiveness
The wind never erased what He wrote on that day
Feet never trod it away
Time recorded it written in clay
I am loved by the Maker, I say
We are loved by the Maker, I shout!
Yes, He came and loved us out!

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♡ Grace and Shalom in Yeshua the Messiah ♡

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1 Comment

  1. linda herz said,

    all I can say is… thank you Yeshua.

    Liked by 1 person

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