I’m the kind of gal that doesn’t do well with the concept of someone or something being “too far gone”. Cause I know, I know it deep down and deep within – the Creator of all things, all Life can do anything. He can melt the hardest of hearts and likewise take the softest heart and turn it space rock hard. I also know, He doesn’t see the two as opposites like I do. If He does one with nothing but love in mind, He does the other with the same love. Love, as in the Person, God, Yahweh, the Great I Am, Father of Yeshua (Jesus), Abba to all, Beginning, End – Love. Love is, God is… 1 Corinthians 13. It’s His character, His autobiography, His personality portfolio, His method of operation, His beginning, His end, God is love. There is no such thing apart from Him. If you see it, and say it’s love – there He is. I’m driving the point hard. It’s because it’s never really driven in hard enough, I think.
People say to other people,
“God loves you.”
It’s cliche, and ninety percent of the time, at best we respond with a good deal of gratitude and relief, at worst – most of us – if we’re honest – don’t know how to hear beyond the screams of self-loathing. For this is the voice that seeks to “teach us” what love is, and does from the moment we take our first breath for Love. This putrid evil disguised as love, who is the leader of the armies against heaven. Thus each and every human beings’ enemy for the length of their life, as well, in the fallen world, waiting and groaning for her Warrior Creator to come again and cast the enemy out for good.
So I’m watching a show about a horse trainer and out comes this horse. This horse is dreadful, it hasn’t been abused as in kicked and starved, it has simply been treated like a hard luck case from colthood, pampered and felt sorry for, until finally he had to be put off by himself – full of self-loathing. The trainer was known for his miraculous ways with the most awful of cases. Everyone is thinking “Now we get to see what this trainer is made of.” Yet in the end, the horse gets put down. I was angry, disappointed and felt some deep sense of injustice. I’m sure the trainer had some sorting to do too. Not because of ego, but because his heart understood all too well the lot of such a creature and wished just a little bit that he was the god with horses everyone made him out to be.
This series will be a hard one for me. I’m giving up a habit that I literally have been doing my whole life. I’m about five days in, and the mirror reflects what the habit has been covering up for so long. A self loathing I didn’t (and still don’t) think was possible deep down inside for one who knows and walks with Love Himself. It seems like an impossibility. Today Love (Adonai) showed me, hatred and self loathing are not the same. Self loathing left unloved and unchanged will inevitably become hatred though. Hence the reason, God is Love. The truth of all things gets a jolt when God moves in to teach. Trust and love are the same coin in heaven. Here on earth we think they are two separate things. Matters of the heart and soul in God’s economy are paramount. Life outside those realities is as insignificant as the weather. Rain or shine, life goes on. Looks are deceiving, one can look alive and living on the surface and be dead bones inside. Only the breath of the Living Savior can breathe life back into the interior world of death called self-loathing.
This series is for those out there that know the pain of this hellish compatriot. Those who know the touch and call of the Messiah, yet still feel this thorn in the flesh on a regular basis. I believe Adonai wants to breathe into us a new Love. Not that anything about Him is old, as in not sufficient or worn out, but that truly He is like the mercies He promises, new every morning. Perfect Love cast out fear. At the heart of every hurt, habit, hangup, or blemish within is – fear like a companion sent to bare us up to Love Himself. Indeed all things that don’t hang on the tree of Life, are inevitably turned to face it and recognize itself in its intended form, before the voice of the enemy twisted it and we took it in and it became the opposite of what was intended. Hence why the scripture is true
“All things work together for the good of those who Love God and are called according to His proposes.” – Romans 8:28
So what is the difference between self-loathing and hatred?
Isn’t self-loathing akin to the “denying of one’s self” that’s spoken of in scripture?
Is it possible to loath ones self and still love God? Accept the Son, follow Him, and still loath one self?
What exactly does it mean? “Perfect love cast out fear”?
These are the questions I will be pursuing, as He is pursuing me from within them.
♡ Grace and Shalom in Yeshua the Messiah ♡