November 28, 2012 at 1:45 am (Mile Stones) (, , , , , , , , , , )


There were two thought/questions that the Spirit whispered to me as I packed up the lil’ apartment. First, what if you packed all this up and you never had access to it again? Second, where does order come from?

It stands to reason that I am all “transferred” over to the new abode and now I am so sick I haven’t been able to unpack much since Sunday. I have had a fair time of it for the last 2-3 years and been healthy. This bug jumped out in front of me like a Mac truck and I was going the maximum allowable speed when we collided! The struggle ensued as I began to try to deduce what I had missed. Surely I could have prevented this one. Perhaps I left a piece of my battle armor off? I could have been more grateful. It amazes me how quickly I begin to assign blame to myself for something as simple as getting an illness. Should have wiped down that shopping cart, used antibacterial gel there, here. Ugh, God have mercy! You know how and why. In any case I am very sick, and its not a punishment. My head and parts of my heart know this.

So here I am literally in fetal position with high fevers and aches that resemble being plugged into an electrical socket! Along with all the other “Nyqil” requirements. Boxes need unpacking. Furniture needs arranging. Kitchens done praise God! Bathroom functional. Bedroom too. Everything else is detail…the thing I do well the least. Requires that order and involved the boxes of my book babies that was suggested perhaps I may never have access to. Hmmmm…guess He wants my undivided attention here! At the moment I could care less about those books, and hey, you can walk from one room to the other without stepping over anything! I have access to my tissue, medicine, herbs, vitamins, and a place to lay my head. Who needs more than that? As to order just a click to one side of chaos but it isn’t a reason for insanity! 🙂 I digress…order is not something we as humans can pull out of our hats. Only God can create order and chaos, and considering His Works they always exist side by side.

I have been able to read a Psalm or two each morning…other than that my reading eyes are on sick leave. I can’t focus right now. Sam, has been great. My Sister Joey, who went to the hospital with a bowel obstruction has tried to nurse me from her sick bed in the hospital! God has been so exceedingly good.
The order of the day right now? Rest, the Battle belongs to the Lord! Trust Him. I have been put off the front lines for His good purpose, and I must obey Him in retreat as well as launch! Ohh, launching is so much more appealing! Retreat sounds like defeat. Its not though, regrouping and rest are part of Gods order. When I am sick like this I realize what really matters is His voice inside me, His presence. Everything else fades. Be still, and know I am God. He moves me, packs me, unpacks me, stores me, orders me and cares for me at all times.

As I type, I am rocking with aches and praying for a window of sleep to come soon. Yet He said, begin…and His grace is sufficient. I shake my head….how was it I ever thought I could figure Adonai out? What I do know is astounding and inviting. What I don’t…I am learning…either I will in His timing or I won’t. Its up to Him, and I have more than what I need! My cup overflows!

So now I wait…
To be:
And reordered.
Restored healed.
It will come, and I am “still”

Grace and peace in Yeshua the Messiah ❤

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Holy Relocations

November 15, 2012 at 12:29 am (Mile Stones) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


Spending time with God: that place and space where His breath fogs the window we are looking out of and more than I can imagine gets left on the pane to remind me “This is what’s real!”

Wrapping, stacking, tracking.
Reminds me where I am lacking and have stuffed that spot with excesses in nothing but things that take up space and add weight to the journey.

I am in the middle of my (hang on a sec I gotta count with my mental and physical fingers)…30th move! Holey magoly, that number astounds me! I am only 41 years old! Needless to say my folks moved around the Northern Denver suburbs, then I moved out and carried on the  “family tradition” it would seem. Though when we bought our house in Kalispell, Mt I unpacked and planned to be buried little by little on that 1/2 an acre of earth over the next…30 years or so…or until I drew my last breath whichever came first.
I hate cliche sayings, but I must digress “Man plans and God chuckles” (I don’t “hear” a Halloween like mmmmmaaaaaahhhh from Him, more like a tsk tsk giggle type thing) Though He clearly led us to the house and practically bought the house for us…well His timing was His best kept secret. So much like the God I am getting to know…when He moves I follow…and He is constantly “on the move”.

Consequently my heart is therefore, always longing for my feet to land long enough to grow mildew or have the earth grow up around them to prove their “staying” ability.
I am this time so grateful we sold over half of all we owned before our shuffle back to Colorado! I have since honestly only accumulated a few DVD’s and about 2 dozen more books since then. The rest has actually moved out; broken dishes, shoes and clothing that have worn out so badly not even the Goodwill can’t use them. I’ve given quite a few books away so even my used but newly acquired delightfully bound friends won’t be adding more weight than I moved in with. Yet as I started stacking them in boxes today, this question/thought grabbed at the based of my heart and wrapped itself there like an echoing dream in a movie all day.

What if these never came out of this box and became “accessible” to you ever again?

Hello my Lord 🙂 I see You are moving more than my address again! I often tend to simply block out that You are a Gardener and Your expertise is pruning, among all the other things like seeding, watering, planting, weeding.

Among the many things about moving I hate…I really wish an OCD certified ability to organize was among my resume. Its not. I do okay, due to the grace of God alone, mind you. Its work for me though. I can organize a billion thoughts, words like a pro, but ask me to organize a room…and I fall on my sword! Next thought/question…

Where do you get your sense of order? Where does it come from?

Chew chew…pack pack…chew…stack…hmmmm. At this point I am able to know that both these thought/questions likely are strangely connected and have very little to do with the physical world He’s using to connect my “dots”. So like Yeshua (Jesus), using what we see, know, and the world we interact in everyday to draw us into His classroom for the real world. I’ve also learned that waiting is an art form that adds clarity to what He’s teaching! My imaginary hand went up like an eager student in a classroom with a thousand perfectly sensible and reasonable responses to those two whispers in my ears.

For the last 4 or 5 years or so God has really challenged Sam and I to take His measure on those “things” we think are needs verses the “things” we think are wants. In so doing our “habits” have changed dramatically. Shopping for just what you need daily (or every couple days) verses shopping in bulk type thinking is one example. You would not believe the feelings of irresponsibility that attempted to “break in and steal” what God was doing with that one! Akin to not having life, health insurance as considered irresponsible in this world too! Based on Yeshua’s words there’s no such thing except in the Kingdom of Heaven. And asking only for what you need for today is the only way He lived and taught about. Takes a whole lot more trust in God to live that way! So…over the course of those years much has been “let go of” mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Moving can take on so many forms! Truth is as long as I am His Child I am constantly moving towards my permanent home with Him. Packing, letting go, selling off, hauling and relocating this home He now owns inside me. I signed the deed over to Him.

Another little peak into my heart for these stacks if stones He asks me to pile up along the way. Introspection is my primary language…(snicker). I am fearless to do that. Though He is faithful to show me, I am far less comfortable with it than I think. Hmmm…yes, moving is uncomfortable. I grew up in a culture that has made comfort a responsibility!  An obsession. The Kingdom of God is offensive to that above all else. My Master is invasive or at least my self-absorbed/self-protected perceptions feel that way…alot! I am learning to allow Him to re-route my hard drive this way though. Talk about freedom, puhh, rights as we perceive them have nothing to teach about freedom. Mayhap that’s why people in countries without them don’t look for comfort, so much as purpose in discomfort.

So as I pack, wrap, stack and relocate this Thanksgiving I am asking for clarity in the function and purpose He has to show me in all things uncomfortable. I ask you to pray likewise for and with me. Also for the “be still and know” grace that I need while He pulls those thought/questions together for me. Seeking true satisfaction verses feeling content or happy is an act of obedience to Adonai. I want the “well done”, much more than the “well said”. 🙂


Grace and peace in Yeshua the Messiah ❤

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